Nothing is ever perfect but it's as good as it will get
by nacleto
Summary: Ian and Wanda's story continued after the book The host ended. Very sweet and fluffy story. I will update every Friday. Hope you enjoy and please review. New characters with an amazing story line. Give my story a chance and you won't be sorry. I don't own any of these characters just the new ones that I mention.
1. Chapter 1: Nothing is ever perfect

Ian and I started sharing a room, his room, or ours. The one with the red and gray doors with the locker drawer, a lamp and his – our bed. The first couple of nights were nerve wracking. I was afraid. Not of Ian but of not being able to respond to him in this tiny barbie looking doll of a body. I love him and I want nothing more than to be with him, intimately. But this body has never done that and I know Ian doesn't really believe I am eighteen, and he's every bit as honorable as Jared.

The scraping of the red and gray doors on the cave floor broke my train of thought. Ian walked in with two plates of food. He always thought about me. I took some time to admire his beautiful features, his strong muscles, and his piercing blue eyes. And he was all mine. I realized how lucky I was.

"You must be hungry," it was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes, but this body can only eat so much," I said, staring at the over piling food on the plate.

"Wanda, I wish you'd stop referring to your body as if it were someone else's. It is your body, you're you," he said with much resolve.

"I know, it's just going to take some time to get used to it. But I promise, I will," I smiled at him.

Ian stared up at the cracks in the ceiling and we ate in total silence.

"Jeb wants us to go on another raid," he said, breaking the silence.

"Yes, I know. I overheard Doc mentioning that his medicine supply was dwindling. Did you know that Jeb wants sunny to go with us?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, which is why I wanted to ask you not to go this time," his piercing blue eyes bore into mine. I don't know why but I had the feeling that he was worried or hiding something from me.

"Ian, I know that you want to protect me and I appreciate that, I really do. But I like being useful to the people in the caves. I feel like I don't do much as it is. I have to go, Ian. Please?"

"Wanda, you've already earned a place here in the caves. You don't need to keep going out of your way to please people," he said.

I could tell by the way he was insisting that he really didn't want me to go. But I had to. I wanted to provide for my family.

"The raid won't be for a couple more days. We'll discuss it later," I said.

He leaned over and kissed my lips passionately. We both started gasping after a couple of seconds into our heated kiss but neither of us would break it. He moved his hand to my hair and slowly pulled me away. He began trailing kisses on my neck and I started shivering because it felt so good. I'm not exactly sure what happened next because I lost control. I reached for his shirt and pulled it off him. I thought he would stop me but instead he slowly laid me on the bed and hovered over me without putting any of his weight on me. I trailed my hands on his chest and I felt him tense under my touch. He made a low growl before he began kissing me again. This time was rougher than before. He nibbled on my lower lip and I opened my mouth. His tongue dove in and started massaging mine. My whole body started getting excited and I could feel Ian's hands touch my legs and inch closer to my thighs. I felt something else on the inside of my thigh. It was hard and I was sure I knew what it was.

"Ian? Ian?" someone said at the door and I'm pretty sure it was Kyle. He always did have bad timing.

"Go away!" Ian growled back.

"Ian? We found someone. It's Ana."

As soon as Kyle mentioned this Ana person, Ian jerked up off me and ran toward the red and gray doors. He walked through them without even looking back at me. I stayed in the bed for a long time. I didn't really know what to do. After a while, I decided to look for Ian. I went to the kitchen and bumped into Melanie.

"Have you seen Ian?'' I said at the same time she asked me if I'd seen Jared.

"How is it that both our boys hide from us?" she said.

"Let's check the hospital," I answered.

"What would they be doing there?" she asked.

"I don't know, I have a feeling," I replied.

We walked as fast as we could through the tunnels that led toward the hospital. I never noticed how far it actually was from the main plaza but I guess that happens when you're in a rush to get somewhere.

As we turned the corner, I noticed a cryotank being occupied and then I saw something that made my heart crumble a bit. Ian was sitting next to a pretty brunette woman that looked about his age. He was holding her hand, staring at her face while brushing her cheek with his free hand.

"Mel, Wanda," Jared said as if announcing our arrival.

I saw Ian face us and he stared at me with his piercing blue eyes, trails of tears falling from them. I've never been good at reading faces but I swear it looked like he was looking at me with a guilt ridden face and I knew that things were going to change from here on. Nothing was ever perfect.


	2. Chapter 2: Changes that are scary

WANDA POV

Ian explained to me last night who Ana was. She used to be a friend of his back when they were in college. He said the day he and Kyle ran away was supposed to be the day that she would move in with him and another roommate. He never saw her again until now. I'm not sure why I felt like there was more to the story than just what he told me but I didn't want to press the subject for fear of upsetting him. But the way he cried and held her yesterday confirmed to me that there was more to the story. I know I shouldn't feel this weird sensation of jealousy but I wasn't happy that he spent all day with her in the hospital. I haven't even seen him today and it's already dinnertime.

"Hey, Wanda! You look sad. I don't like seeing you sad. Tell me what's wrong," Jaime asked, or should I say demanded while he dug into his plate of food.

"Oh, it's nothing Jaime. I stayed up late reading this book, it had a sad ending," I said, hoping he wouldn't be able to hear the lie in my voice.

"Don't worry, Wanda. All the books Ian has are fiction. I read them all, so they are not real stories," Jaime said, his mouth full of a piece of bread roll.

I was very happy he didn't notice my rather screaming out lie.

"Wanda, do you think Mel and Jared will let me come out to the raid with you all tomorrow?" he said shooting me a hopeful look.

"I don't think it's a good idea, Jaime. But you should really talk to them about it," Knowing quite well Mel would agree with me.

"Fine but promise you'll help me convince them because they can be quite stubborn."

"I know you really want to go this time with us but Mel has the last work on this. I don't really like the idea of you being put in danger but I do promise to think about it," I replied, nonchalantly as I was picking at my food which I realized I had eaten almost none of it.

Jaime shrugged, feeling hopeful.

"So where's Ian? He's usually glued to your hip," he asked.

Great, I was praying he wouldn't ask me that because I honestly didn't know what was going on with Ian. I felt my eyes start watering and tears threatened to spill over. I bit my lip and swallowed hard.

"Oh, wait never mind, there he is."

I looked up from my plate to see that he walked in and went toward the food and grabbed a whole ton onto his plate. He turned around searching the faces in the kitchen and then walked slowly toward Jaime and me.

"Wanda, love, I looked for you everywhere. Should have figured you were already here," he said.

"Yes, I was hungry," I said, trying to mask a bit of disappointment in my voice.

He stared at me and then stared at my plate of food which was still completely untouched except for my picking.

He sighed, "Wanda, you're a terrible liar."

I stood up and grabbed my plate but as soon as I did Ian stopped me. I can't help but admit it got me a bit annoyed.

"Wait, you need to eat something especially if we're going on that raid tomorrow night," he said with concern written all over his face.

"I did eat, this is actually my second plate,'' I lied.

He once again sighed and shook his head.

"Wanda, please, eat something," he knew quite well that I wouldn't say no to him especially if it made him feel better.

"Ok, I said taking a bite out of my roll."

We finished eating in silence and I asked Ian if he was coming to our room with me but he said he had to speak to Jared for a bit and then was going to check up on Ana. At that, I just stalked silently away towards our room.

IAN POV

Wanda was acting very strange lately, I'm not sure if it was because she was worried about the raid tomorrow or because of Ana. I know she doubted the fact that Ana and I were only friends. To be completely honest, Ana used to be my ex-girlfriend back when the world hadn't yet been taken over by the souls. She had been the one person then that made me feel loved and I knew that at one point I loved her too. Her being here stirred up those emotions and I still cared for her and I wanted her to be ok but Wanda is the love of my life. She's the one that brightens my days and the reason that I have to keep fighting to survive. I'm just not sure she knows that. I watched her walk away headed towards our room but I stayed behind to find Jared and discuss the raid tomorrow but I also wanted to speak to the kid and see what they were talking about before I interrupted them.

Jaime was still eating his food, typical.

"So Jaime can I ask what you and Wanda were talking about."

"Why?" he said with mouth in his food.

"Oh, no reason just curious," I said, hoping he would not think much of my reasons and just tell me.

Jaime shrugged and said, "She was telling me about that book she read last night that was sad. And discussing my possible addition to the raid group tomorrow. That's all. Oh by the way, which book was it that she read. I bet it was House of the Scorpion, right?

I stared at him for a moment before I realized that Wanda had lied to him. Last night, we talked about Ana and then she fell asleep right after that. Why would she lie to him?

"Jaime, how did the book conversation come about?" I asked.

"Mm, oh because when I saw her sitting here alone, I noticed she looked sad like she had been crying and that's when she told me about the book and how it made her sad." He replied.

I instantly cringed at his words. Wanda had been crying and I was completely unaware of it. How could I be such an idiot? I have been so wrapped up in making sure Ana was ok that I had been neglecting Wanda. The person that I loved, the person that I would give my life up for. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let Wanda out of my sight after what Jared and especially after what Kyle had done to her. And now I had spent almost the whole day without her. I felt a crushing pang in my heart. I love Wanda and I was going to make it up to her.

I said bye to the kid and all about ran all the way to our room knowing that I would find her in there. As I neared our room I saw that the red door was slightly opened to which I thought nothing of. I burst in ready to see her long blonde hair and her silvery eyes that always filled me with love. But as soon as I did, the room was empty with no sign that Wanda had even been there. I started to panic, realizing that if something happened to Wanda that it would be my fault seeing as I hadn't been with her; protecting her. My heart started pounding in my chest as I ran towards Mel and Jared's room, hoping that she would be there. I knocked on their make shift door and Mel answered.

"Yes?'' she asked.

"Melanie, its Ian. Is Wanda in there with you?" I asked panting from all my running.

"No, O'Shea. She isn't here now if you'll excuse us we were in the middle of something." I heard Jared retort.

I heard what sounded like something coming in contact with someone and I assumed Mel had hit Jared. Those two were really something. I searched everywhere else including the washroom, the kitchen (again) and the rec room. I even checked the field and the storage area but she wasn't there. I realized that the only place left was the hospital but I knew Wanda wouldn't go in there willingly as she absolutely hated being in the hospital. The only reason she would be there was because it would have been absolutely necessary. I cringed at the thought of Wanda being hurt. I hadn't realized it but I was running faster than ever. As I neared the corner and saw the lights emitting from the hospital, I prayed that if Wanda was there it were because Doc asked to speak to her or because she just felt like chatting up with him.

As I walked into the hospital, I noticed Ana still 'asleep' on a cot in the corner of the room and then the next thing I saw was Wanda laying on one of those horrible cots, dripping wet and clearly unconscious. Doc was hovering over her wiping her forehead with a rag filled with blood. And then I noticed Kyle standing on the other side of Wanda and he was also soaking wet. And I felt my heart sink to my stomach.


	3. Chapter 3: The calm before the storm

**First of all, I want to thank CusCus81, With Love from KK, &amp; marysidehouse for the reviews. I really appreciate it. I really want to keep this story going for a while so I'm not going anywhere. As long as people read it and review, I will keep updating as this is my favorite story. I will try to update sooner. I initially wanted it to be a week between chapters but it just depends on if I finish them sooner. I will try to. For now it will stay every Friday but again, I will try to update sooner. I'm updating it a day early for this chapter as I have finished it. I really hope you guys enjoy it.**

**IAN POV**

Seeing Wanda laying in there unconscious made me sick to my stomach. Why was she wet? Why was Kyle wet? She was bleeding and I knew that Kyle had attempted against her life again even though he had promised to never do that again. I even thought he was beginning to like Wanda these last few weeks. He always treated Sunny with respect and I thought he was over it all but I was wrong. And Wanda being hurt now, was proof of that. I wanted to go over to her and just instantly hold her in my arms and make all the pain go away. But when Kyle turned to look at me, I felt all the anger come rushing to the surface. I rushed towards him, lifted my arm and hit him squarely on the face with as much force as I could muster. He recoiled backwards and held his hand to his nose. I heard Doc yelling at me to stop but I ignored him.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Ian?!" He had the audacity to yell at me after what he just did.

"How could you do that to me Kyle?! You know that I love her and that if you kill her, you might as well kill me too!" I yelled back at him.

Doc interfered then, "Ian, it's not what you think, Kyle…"

"You promised you wouldn't hurt her again. She is the love of my life, don't you get it? I can't live without her. I swear, I'll kill you this time Kyle, so that you never hurt Wanda again!" I felt the rage of a thousand warriors then. I would have kept yelling at him and was about to hit him again when I heard a faint moan behind me. Wanda.

I turned around to see her open her beautiful eyes and stare at the cave ceiling.

"Wanda?" I said walking towards her side. I took her right hand in mine and laid a gentle kiss on it.

"Ian? Where am I?" She whispered.

"You're in the hospital, Wanda." I said.

She tried to get up then but I gently pushed her shoulder back down to the cot.

"No, don't try to get up. Wanda, tell me what happened." I basically pleaded.

She was about to speak when she turned to look behind me and I knew she saw Kyle with his bloody nose and Doc attending to it.

She gasped, "Kyle!? What happened to you? Are you ok? Doc give him so No pain!" she said while she glared at me.

I can't believe she was defending him after he tried to kill her. No, wait. I do believe it. Wanda was always so self – sacrificing. She always puts others before herself even if that person has caused her pain.

"Sorry, Wanda. No more No pain left," Doc replied.

"Ian, explain." Wanda clearly knew that I had been the one to hit Kyle.

"No, you tell me what he did to you! And don't lie to me, Wanderer," I was upset with her for defending Kyle that I raised my voice at her and I instantly felt bad about it.

"What are you talking about? Kyle didn't do anything to me." She replied, clearly trying to defend him again.

I was losing my calm as I asked her again, "Please, tell me what happened."

She nodded her head," I was going to wash our clothes for the raid tomorrow and so I went to get them and headed to the washroom. When I finished what I was doing, I stood up and I guess I slipped and fell into the river. That's all I remember.

"It's true, Ian. It was just an accident. And Kyle heard the noise of Wanda's head coming into contact with the cave floor and found her unconscious, head down in the water. If it weren't for him being so close by... Wanda… Well, Wanda would have drowned. Kyle saved her." Doc whispered.

I imagined Wanda hitting the cave floor and cringed. But it was worse imagining her drowning. It could have happened. Everybody tends to shower later in the day and it would have been hours before somebody would have found her. I knew Wanda was telling the truth because I can always tell when she is lying. I looked over at Kyle who nodded and I knew I had done wrong in coming to conclusions. I looked back at Wanda, her eyes looked so tender and filled with love. I knew she was mentally telling me to go apologize to Kyle and so I did.

"I'm sorry, Kyle. I shouldn't have assumed that you tried to kill her. It's just that when I saw both of you completely soaked, I thought the worst. I was afraid that again someone was trying to hurt her. I would have died if something happened to her. Thank you, Kyle. For saving the woman that I love. I am forever in your debt," I said, tears welling up in my eyes.

"It's ok, bro. I understand. I haven't always been kind to Wanda and for that I am truly sorry. But I'm trying to make amends for that. I promised I would never hurt her again and I will always uphold that promise. I have come to see that Wanda is a very special soul and she is the kindest one. I respect and admire everything she does for us. You don't have to thank me for saving her life. Like you said, she's the woman that you love and if you love her, then so do I. As a sister of course, and I, like you, will try to protect her," Kyle responded while he looked over at Wanda, who was at this point crying and I knew it was because of his words.

I apologized to him again for what I did to his nose then turned my attention to Wanda.

"How do you feel, my love?" I asked.

"I feel fine. Doc is it ok if I head back to my room now?" She asked.

"Absolutely not. You need to stay here so that Doc can finish bandaging your head wound," I knew how stubborn she was but I wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Ian's right, Wanda. I still have to clean and wrap your head wound and I would also really love it if you stayed overnight for observation. But I know you are not about to do that so you can go as soon as I'm done but you have to come back early tomorrow so that I can check it before you go on that raid." Doc was backing me up and I was glad for that.

"Oh, don't worry Doc, I'll make sure she's here in the morning. And there's no way that Wanda's going on that raid. Not after this," I looked over at Wanda who looked at me with wide eyes.

She clearly was going to fight me on this but I was standing firm on it.

"She has to go, Ian. Sunny can't do it on her own. She's going to need Wanda. And if Wanda doesn't go then I don't want Sunny to go either. I'm not about to let her go without someone accompanying her," Kyle put his sense in while holding an ice pack to his face, clearly still burrowing his nose in other people's business.

"Don't worry, Kyle. I am going. Sunny won't be on her own." Wanda responded while Doc finished cleaning and wrapping her head.

We'll see about that.

When Doc finished we were able to go back to our room. I, of course, was carrying Wanda even though she kept insisting she was fine to walk but I wasn't about to lose that fight. I knew she was going to try to convince me to let her go on the raid tomorrow night but I sure was not going to relent. We crossed the doors into our bedroom and I immediately laid Wanda on the bed.

I proceeded to go to the drawer and I grabbed Wanda one of my t-shirts. I went over and helped her get out of her clothes. I had done this many times before and Wanda was completely comfortable letting me do that for her. Every once in a while she would complain that she wasn't a baby and that she could do it herself but I told her it made me feel better to do it for her sometimes. I stopped to look at her – and I mean really look at her – she is so beautiful. And I don't just mean her body from head to toe but Wanda herself, the Soul. The soul occupying the body is beautiful. Wanda is all mine, I have the most beautiful woman in my bed with me. I love her and she loves me. We belong to each other. I finished putting my t-shirt on her and I loved the way she looked in my t-shirts.

"Ok, Wanda. Get some sleep," I tenderly kissed her on the forehead and I felt her shiver. I chuckled at the fact that I could still do that to her. She stared at me with a quizzical look and I knew she wanted to talk about the raid tomorrow and she wasn't going to let it go that easy.

**WANDA POV**

Ian went to the drawer and grabbed one of his t-shirts and helped me undress. He stared at me for a while and I blushed. He then helped me into his t-shirt.

"Ok, Wanda. Get some sleep," Ian said while he kissed my forehead. I shivered at the contact. He always made me feel good.

He went to change himself and I couldn't help but admire his physique. He turned to look at me then and I blushed (again). I'm not sure that I'll ever get used to blushing all the time. Ian smiled at me and walked over to the bed and laid by my side instinctively pulling me closer so that my head lay on his chest and he wrapped his arm around me. I loved it when he held me like that. It made me feel safe. I took in a deep breath and waited, not really realizing I hadn't exhaled.

"Wanda, sweetheart, you have to exhale," he said as he rubbed my back.

Oh right, at least it got him talking.

"Ian, you're letting me go on that raid tomorrow right?" I said, making it a point to look at him with a pouting face.

He looked down at me and smiled.

"Nope," that's it, that's all he said.

"No? That's all you're going to say," I asked

"Yep, you're not going Wanda, and that's that. You just suffered a major hit to the head."

"I know, Ian, but the people need me too. We all have to eat and we all need medicine."

"Yeah, well the people don't deserve for you to risk your life to feed them. I remember some of them treating you badly when you were in Mel's body and some still treat you with disdain," he raised his voice a bit

"Ian! Just because some people don't like me doesn't mean that I'm going to let them starve to death." I gasped

"Fine, I'll tell you what, if Doc clears you tomorrow for the raid then we can go but if he says you need to recover from your near concussion, then we stay. Deal?"

"Deal!" I eagerly agreed.

"Then it's settled, now please sleep, my Wanda. You need to rest." He leaned over then and kissed me on my lips, leaving a trail of fire behind.

**IAN POV**

"Ian, Ian wake up," someone said while pulling on my arm.

"Mm," I mumbled.

"Ian, it's me Kyle you have to get up. Ana she's... Well doc said during the night, she stirred," he said, a little more loudly.

I couldn't ignore the person talking to me so I sat up looking over at Wanda, making sure she was still there and she was. Asleep, she looked like an angel. I rubbed my eyes and refocused them on Kyle.

"What do you mean she stirred? Is she awake?" I asked, groggily.

"No, she's not awake but Doc said that maybe if you talked to her she might wake up. Just like I did with Jodie, even though she never did wake up," he said. I detected an amount of sadness in his voice.

"You knew her too, why can't you do it?" I said, not wanting to leave Wanda. Besides I had to make sure she went to Doc's to get checked out.

"Ian, we both know that Ana wasn't just your friend like I'm sure you told Wanda. She was the love of your life," he said, looking a bit annoyed.

"Wanda is the love of my life. Get that through your head. What I felt for Ana was just infatuation but it wasn't love. I still care about her and I'm glad she's alright but that part of my life is over. Understand?" I raised my voice at him not realizing it. I looked over at Wanda but she was still sleeping.

"Ok, fine! Don't go all girl on me and just go check on her. Doc's insisting," he quipped.

"Fine, I'm going. Now get out of our room!" I yelled-whispered at him.

I quickly and quietly got dressed so that I wouldn't wake Wanda. I would let her sleep for another hour and then come and get her for breakfast and then to get examined by Doc.

I headed towards the hospital not really knowing exactly what I would walk into. I mean I would be happy if Ana woke up. I want her to be alright. The thing is, is that last time Ana and I saw each other we were together, as in a couple and I'm not sure how she'll take the news about me and Wanda. Wanda, I haven't told her yet the truth about me and Ana. I simply told her we were friends and know I have to tell her everything and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I neared the hospital. As I walked in I saw Doc sitting by his desk looking over some papers.

"Morning, Doc," I said.

"Good Morning, Ian. For a second there, I thought you wouldn't come." Doc said, looking tired.

"How is she? Kyle told me she stirred in the middle of the night." I walked over to where Ana was. She looked to peaceful, so defenseless. She really hadn't changed at in in all these years.

"She did. It won't be long before she wakes. I just thought, given your history and all, that maybe you could help her… wake up sooner," he said, looking back at his paperwork.

"Right." I pulled one of those very uncomfortable cots and dragged it to her side and sat down.

Doc stepped out after a few minutes. I had begun talking to Ana. I talked to her about the first day we met, that time when we got in trouble for our disturbing behavior in one of our high school classes. At some point, while talking to her, I had grabbed her hand in mine. I talked to her some more until Doc came back and I let him know I'd be back later with Wanda.

When I got back to the room, Wanda was already up and ready. She turned to look at me as soon as I had gone in. She smiled and I felt completely breathless. She always did that to me.

"Ian, where were you. I woke up and you were gone," she said sounding a bit scared.

"I'm sorry, Wanda. I… Doc wanted me in the hospital. I should have left you a note. I really am sorry Wanda," I didn't mention that I had gone to be with Ana. I didn't want to make her sad.

I went over and wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her closed to me. I felt so stupid for making her worry like that. Had she done that to me and I would have gone crazy trying to find her.

She turned to face me, stood up on her tiptoes, and kissed me on the cheek, "its ok, Ian. So how's Doc and Ana? Has she woken?"

Doc ok, looks tired, but then again he always looks tired. Ana… no, she hasn't yet but Doc's hopeful. Speaking of Doc, let's hurry to get breakfast so we can go seen him." I said, while helping her along.

You looked curiously at me then, "you didn't convince Doc to say that I need more rest did you?"

I chuckled, wondering why I didn't think to do that. "You know, I wish I would have thought of that, but no, I didn't." I said as we headed out the door.

We walked towards the kitchen in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable silence, it was good silence. And plus, I didn't really want to talk about the raid again. I didn't really want Wanda to go but she was stubborn. We walked into the kitchen and I told Wanda to go sit down while I would get us food. I set two trays on the table and they were definitely sad looking. I hated to admit that we didn't need another raid. It feels like we just got back from one though.

"Ian, Jared. Just the men I was looking for, "Jeb came in asking for us.

Here we again.

"I need you help with something. I know you are headed for that raid later tonight but don't get all prissy, it's nothing heavy," He continued.

Great can't we just have one day off.

"We can't really refuse, now can we," quipped Jared.

"Can it wait till after I take Wanda to Doc's," I didn't feel like arguing with anyone but I also didn't want Wanda to go on her own. Plus I needed to hear what Doc thought was best for Wanda.

"Ian, it's ok. I can go by myself. I'm perfectly capable of that," said Wanda, looing cute and determined. I love that about her.

"But…" I started

"If it makes you feel better O'Shea, I'll go with Wanda to the hospital. Sheesh, you worry too much," Melanie interrupted.

"Then it's settled. Let's go boys err men." Oh, Jeb.

I looked over at Wanda and closed the gap between us with a kiss.

"I'll see you later, love." I said, giver her another kiss on the forehead.

**WANDA POV**

"Ian, worries too much about you. If it weren't completely annoying, it would be endearing," Melanie said while getting off the bench table.

He did worry about me but I know it is because he loves me.

"C'mon, let's go finish packing and as soon as we're done, we'll go to Doc's," She said.

We had been in Melanie's room for over four hours. We had finished packing a long time ago but since we hadn't spent that much time together were lost in conversation.

"So, Wanda sleeping with Ian. How has that been," she said while winking at me.

"It's amazing. I feel safe in his arms. Well, he always ends up sprawled all over the place but it's comforting still," I said, while fiddling with my hair. It was getting long. I think I need a haircut.

"That is so not what I meant Wanda," she said while rolling her eyes.

"I'm confused," I said, while looking at her.

"I meant like sleeping together, you know, sexual intimacy. God, I always have to spell it for you." She laughed.

Sexual intimacy? We actually hadn't done any of that. We got close to it a couple of days ago but Kyle interrupted us.

"So that's where you two are!" Jared barged through the door. Thankfully interrupting our conversation.

"Wanda, Ian's looking for you. He's headed towards the hospital. He thinks you're there. You did go get checked out, didn't you?" He chuckled.

Oh no. We had been too distracted that I forgot about that. My face must have showed panic because Jared began speaking.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Let Ian know that we're ready to head out. I'm sure Doc will clear you and Ian won't be able to refuse. We'll wait for you both at the cache. Say in 20 minutes," he said after me.

I nodded my head as I left the room. Ian was going to be upset that I didn't go get checked out sooner. As I was nearing the hospital, I heard voices. I recognized Ian's and Doc's but I didn't recognize the third female voice.

"I can't say how happy I am to be awake for real! I've been fighting that thing for years. Oh Ian, I've missed you so much, my love," the voice said.

As I rounded the corner into the hospital, I saw something that made my heart feel like it was being stabbed by tiny little knives. The girl, Ana, had her hands wrapped around Ian's neck and they were kissing. Tears started spilling from my eyes. I turned around careful not to make noise and ran away. I passed the main plaza and heard Lily asking me if I was alright. I knew she had noticed that I was crying but I didn't stop to answer her. I went to my room, grabbed my pack and headed out of the caves toward the cache. I didn't even say goodbye to Jaime or Jeb or anyone else but I couldn't let any of them see me this way. I ran and walked to the cache where we kept the cars. I was exhausted by the time I got there. I wiped my tears as I saw the others coming into my view. They all had quizzical looks on their faces, probably wondering why Ian wasn't with me. I opened the door to the van, threw my pack in and turned to the others.

"Let's go," I announced.

**So, there will definitely be many twists and turns coming up. But I promise you that the characters will always find a way back to each other. I just need to make it interesting. The next chapter will be a hard one, with possibly many questions and tears, but we'll get through it. Again, thank you for reading and reviewing.**


	4. Chapter 4: Loyalties

I felt like they were all staring at me with crazy eyes.

"Wanda, where's Ian? We can't leave without him, "Jared was the first to speak while I noticed that the rest were all shocked; Mel, Sunny &amp; Kyle.

"I... Ian. Ian's not coming," it was hard to say his name. I felt my eyes watering and it took everything from me not to let them fall.

Mel stepped forward and walked towards me, "Wanda, you've been crying. And Ian wouldn't let you go on a raid by yourself. The guy gets paranoid if you leave his side for more than 5 minutes! Are you ok? Is he ok?"

"Of course, he's ok. He's better than ok. I wanted to tell Mel what I had seen but I did not want everyone else to hear.

I sighed, "The thing is… Well Doc told Ian that A… Ana was going to wake up soon. So that it was best for Ian to stay behind so that she wakes up to a familiar face and so that way she would not be frightened."

I'm not sure why I even tried to like. I knew that they would not believe. They all know exactly when I lie, well except Sunny. She's a soul after all.

At that moment Mel looked straight into my eyes turned to the others and said, "I'm just going to step outside with Wanda very quickly. We'll be right back."

I loved being outside at night. The stars were so bright. Even though they were technically dead, they still looked so full of life. When I was on other planets they looked completely different than how they do now.

"Ok spill it Wanda. You've been crying, now tell me why?" She had her hands on her hips and I knew that she meant business.

I knew I had to tell her, even though I knew she might want to hurt Ian. But I wouldn't let that happen.

I took a deep breath and let it go, "Ana, woke up. I was on my way to Doc's to get cleared and to get Ian but when I walked in they were, they were kissing. Ian was kissing her," I became aware of the fact that I was completely sobbing at the time. This feeling that I was feeling was not good. I knew that the term for it was jealousy, I remember from when I was in Melanie's body.

Suddenly, Melanie's eyes flew wide open and she froze into place. A couple of minutes later and she snapped out of it, stepped closer and she hugged me. We stayed like that for a few minutes. After a while she broke the hug.

"Wipe your tears. You will not cry over that asshole. We're going back, telling Jared, and he'll kill him for us."

The intensity of her words shocked me to the core. Kill Ian? I certainly would not let that happen. As much as it hurt me to see Ian kiss another girl. Or should I say a girl. Because I'm not a girl, I'm a soul and maybe Ian had finally realized that being with a soul disgusted him. But that is ok, he is entitled to change his mind. I'd rather him love someone else than die.

"No! Melanie, I love Ian. You cannot hurt him and you will not just because he does not want to be with a parasite like me anymore. He's grossed out by me, by kissing me, he would much rather kiss someone else. That does not mean he has to die. No! Please!" I cannot believe that she would even consider that.

"Wanda, calm down. I do not actually mean we are going to kill him. We are just going to give him a piece our minds," she said.

"No! Can't we just go on the raid? I cannot see him, Mel. It hurts too much. I just need some time away from him. To think. Please, Mel," I said.

"Then stay here. Jared and I will go. Then we'll come back and go on the raid," She began walking away but I stopped her.

"But if you tell Ian, he won't let me go. He'll come after me and I'm not ready to see him," I was basically pleading with her.

"Wanda, we can't just leave without telling him. I haven't always seen eye to eye with Ian, especially right now, maybe it was a misunderstanding and if we leave he'll come after us anyway. That will be even more dangerous. Maybe if we talk to him, he'll understand that you need some time away from him." She really seemed determined to do this.

With that she turned on her heels and headed back to the cave where the others waited. I ran after her but before I knew it she had already told them what had had happened.

"You're kidding, right? He talks about how much he loves her and he gives me crap all the time about how I used to treat her badly even though I don't do it anymore. And there he goes screwing it up with her. Now who's the one treating her badly? I'm going to kill him," he said angrily.

I can' help but admit that I was a bit shocked by his words but somewhat happy that he was protecting me. I was more horrified by him wanting to hurt Ian.

"Kyle! No! I just want to go on the raid. I want to be a while away from here. Please, let's just go," I pleaded.

I was beginning to regret telling Mel anything but then again, I hadn't asked her to keep a secret.

"I agree with Wanda. As much as Ian deserves to be punched in the face right now, we need to get going on this raid before its morning out." Jared had finally spoken. He had been quiet this entire time.

I was very thankful that he agreed with me.

"You guys go on the raid, I'm going to have a nice little talk with my brother. C'mon, Sunny," he said as he grabbed her by the arm.

"And I'm going with them," Melanie stated.

Jared and I looked at each other and I knew that we weren't going on this raid. We had to go stop Kyle as I'm sure he's going to try to hurt Ian. As I started walking outside I felt Jared grab my arm. I turned to face him.

"I know that I owe you one for saving Melanie and getting her back her so I'm going to repay you. From what I know about girls... women… they like to eat a whole lot of junk food when their hearts are broken. So c'mon lets go get us some junk food," he said as he walked back to the jeep and climbed on the driver's seat.

**Preview for next chapter:**

"**Ian? What are you doing here? Weren't you going on the raid? And what happened to Wanda?" Lily asked.**

**What happened to Wanda? Why was she asking me that? Fear automatically entered my body. My legs and arms started shaking as I stood.**

"**What do you mean what happened to Wanda? What's wrong with her," I said. I realized that my voice didn't feel like my own. It sounded shaky and I knew it was because panic had set in.**

**Ok so I am sooo sorry that I haven't posted anything in the last two weeks but things have been pretty crazy for me right now but I'm back to posting! Won't happen again! **


	5. Chapter 5: Darkness

**IAN POV**

"Ian? What are you doing here? Weren't you going on the raid? And what happened to Wanda?" Lily asked.

What happened to Wanda? Why was she asking me that?

"What do you mean what happened to Wanda? What's wrong with her," I said. I realized that my voice didn't feel like my own. It sounded shaky and I knew it was because panic had set in.

Well, she was crying and I tried to stop her and ask her what had happened but she flew right past me, I'm not even sure if she heard or saw me," she responded, looking at me with an almost apologetic view

I stared at her and for a minute I wanted to yell at her and ask her why didn't come looking for me immediately but I knew it wasn't her fault.

"Do you know where she was running from and going to?" I asked instead, impatiently waiting for her answer.

Well, she came from the direction of the hospital where I assumed you were and I'm also assuming she went to the cache for the raid, remember?'' She answered.

The hospital? Wanda was crying. How could I be so stupid?! She saw the kiss, Ana gave me! But that meant nothing. It's not like when I kiss her and the world shakes around me. Like the feeling of being alone and in a timeless place. Wanda is barely understanding human emotions and with what she saw, she must be devastated. I hurt her and now she thinks I have betrayed her. I realized what I had done.

I immediately kicked my head and feet into gear and ran to our room with the hopes that she would be waiting for me there to explain. I banged the door open half expecting her to be sitting on the bed but to my dismay she wasn't there. Her raid bag was missing from the foot of the bed and I knew that she'd gone. The cache! I have to hurry.

I turned around to leave the room and as I did, I was met with a familiar face, a sharp pain, and total darkness.

**WANDA POV**

I hadn't realized how much I loved the outdoors. The real me. I hadn't thought of it before because I was so used to living in the caves but right now, in this moment, with this boy who didn't like me in the beginning but does now, I feel completely at home. I didn't really feel like going into any store, especially not the way I looked.

Jared was driving the car at low speed, I looked over at him and asked him to stop. We were in complete darkness only just a couple of hours before sunrise in the middle of nowhere. But I couldn't go any further.

As he grinded to a halt and set the jeep in park, he looked at me with a quizzical brow. I almost felt how much he really cared and worried about me.

"I just, I really don't feel.., I don't want to go anywhere. I kind of just want to stay right in this spot. Feeling the cool crisp air, the sound of darkness and silence everywhere. I don't want to feel what I feel," I felt like he wouldn't understand how I felt but then remembered that he watched Ian kiss Melanie's body several times, so he must know how I feel.

He stared at me for couple of seconds, nodded his head and faced forward again.

We sat in silence for a while, just pondering our thoughts. I tried to make sense of what I saw, what I felt, and how I would deal with it. I couldn't really find an answer. It was all too much for me, I didn't understand what I was feeling let alone what to do with it. Souls, the real me, my people, we don't deal with these emotions and we don't feel anger or jealousy or hate toward another living thing. We are all about peace, love, and understanding. But right now, I felt anger, anger at Ian for kissing that brunette person. Jealousy at that brunette girl for kissing Ian, and a bit of hatred toward them both. It was an ugly feeling, a feeling I wanted gone.

"What are you thinking about, Wanda?" I heard Jared speak breaking my thoughts and piercing the sweetness of this wonderful silence.

I never asked Jared this question and now that I'm going through something similar, I feel the need to ask him and say sorry.

I sighed a big breath, "How did it make you feel when you saw me kiss Ian, I mean Melanie, well her body?" I almost whispered it but I'm sure he heard me through the dead stone silence.

"I guess I felt jealousy, and frustration. And I also wanted to hurt Ian badly. But for the most part I felt relief, that I had her back with me even if her body was in someone else's arms. It took me a while to understand but I finally did. I knew that inside Melanie, you were there, and that it wasn't really Melanie that was kissing Ian, but you. I knew there was an explanation behind it. I just needed to see it differently, from a different angle," he said, turning to look at me as we could see the sunrise just a few miles ahead.

I thought about what he said and I think I got the message. Maybe I was seeing something that wasn't there. Maybe there was an explanation for the kiss between Ian and that brunette girl. Maybe I just had to look through a different angle.

I was about to tell Jared I understood what he was saying but the noise of a whirring sound caught my attention. Jared and I both looked in the air and spotted a helicopter heading our way. Jared immediately turned the jeep on and started driving heading further away from the caves. My heart was pounding as Jared yelled at me to hang on to something. I had confidence that Jared would outsmart them. For a moment it felt like we were as we were speeding through the rocky roads of the desert. The sirens were the first sign that we wouldn't get out of this one, at least not in one piece. They came out of nowhere, the seeker cars, with their shining and blinding color. Jared turned to look at me with his eyes full of resignation and I knew what they said. "Don't let them catch you". The phrase resonated in my mind. I knew we had those handy little suicide pills somewhere, I reached toward the compartment to pull them out. Thinking of how I would never get to know what happened between Ian and that girl, I wouldn't see Jaime grow up, I wouldn't share stories or adventures with Mel or Jared and I would never again see, touch, smell, or feel Ian, the love of my life ever again. I grabbed the pills, turned to give one to Jared, and the last thing I saw was a seeker car headed straight for a crash into us.

Darkness.

**Note: New chapter, again sorry for not posting sooner but I have been seeing all the reviews, likes and I really thank all of you for that because it has pushed me to write new chapters and post them. I'm always pressed for time but I try my best. So thank you all for the support. **


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